Monday, July 21, 2003
A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping.
The silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a complaint of pains all over her body.
"Be more precise," he said. "So I can help you, try pointing to some of the places that hurt.
The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, "Ouch!" then her finger to her hip and said, "Ouch!" and then to her rib cage and said, "Ouch!" again.
The doctor stopped her and asked, "Were you a blonde before your hair grayed"?
"Why yes!" she said excitedly, "But how did you know?"
The Doc answered, "Your finger's broken."
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
Q: What is similar in a Smart Blond and a Alien???
A: You hear about them but you never see them...
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: Endangered species
Q: Do you know how to make a blonde go crazy?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to go pee in a corner!
Q: Why are Blonde jokes so dumb??
A: Well so men can understand them
Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why was the blond smiling when it was lighting?
A: She thought someone was taking her picture.
Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned during spring training
Q: Why do blonds stick there heads out of the window of a moving car?
A: To fill up
Q: What do you do when a Blond throws you a grenade?
A: Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back
Q: When is it okay to shoot a blond in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump nearby to re inflate it.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde prisoner who was found in his cell with half a dozen bumps on his head?
A: He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her babie's diaper once a month???
A: Because the box says "good for up to 30 pounds"...
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She threw away all the W's.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
A: You tell them a joke on Friday.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
How do you get a one arm blonde out of a tree?
Wave.
Why did the blond climb on the bar roof?
She heard that drinks were on the house
What's a blond behind a steering wheel?
An air bag!!
well that's it for now...
tune in next time...
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping.
The silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a complaint of pains all over her body.
"Be more precise," he said. "So I can help you, try pointing to some of the places that hurt.
The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, "Ouch!" then her finger to her hip and said, "Ouch!" and then to her rib cage and said, "Ouch!" again.
The doctor stopped her and asked, "Were you a blonde before your hair grayed"?
"Why yes!" she said excitedly, "But how did you know?"
The Doc answered, "Your finger's broken."
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
Q: What is similar in a Smart Blond and a Alien???
A: You hear about them but you never see them...
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: Endangered species
Q: Do you know how to make a blonde go crazy?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to go pee in a corner!
Q: Why are Blonde jokes so dumb??
A: Well so men can understand them
Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why was the blond smiling when it was lighting?
A: She thought someone was taking her picture.
Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned during spring training
Q: Why do blonds stick there heads out of the window of a moving car?
A: To fill up
Q: What do you do when a Blond throws you a grenade?
A: Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back
Q: When is it okay to shoot a blond in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump nearby to re inflate it.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde prisoner who was found in his cell with half a dozen bumps on his head?
A: He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her babie's diaper once a month???
A: Because the box says "good for up to 30 pounds"...
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She threw away all the W's.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
A: You tell them a joke on Friday.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
How do you get a one arm blonde out of a tree?
Wave.
Why did the blond climb on the bar roof?
She heard that drinks were on the house
What's a blond behind a steering wheel?
An air bag!!
well that's it for now...
tune in next time...
im suddenly hooked on blonde jokes...
The Blonde Kidnapper:
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
hehe - too funny
The Blonde Kidnapper:
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
hehe - too funny
well man camp was great, god-filled, fun, exciting, silly, tiring... (i got out of bed at 12pm th'smorn - sucked in to all the ppl who had to wake up early). i went away thinkin the camp went ok, you know, good, but not wow-ish, but the more i think about it i realise how great it really was. the talks/studies were exactly what i needed to hear and i really did feel god's presence. i haven't felt like that for so long. so last night at belrose uniting (matt's team was asked to play there last night) it was really amazing coz the talk was sorta building onto what i'd learnt on camp, and i really felt so elevated and spirit-filled. i havent ever felt that way when on the worship team at st stephens - maybe coz of the ppl (not wanting to make a dick of myself)...
so all yr 12s - good luck and God bless. dont get too stressed - you'll do just fine. ask for God's help and he'll be there. i dont really know what else to say to you guys, just good luck!..
well im gonna go to the beach th'sarvo and then i will'a won my bet - i bet myself that i couldn't go out everyday these hols, coz normally i'd sorta just sit round all day watchin tv and bludging. i figured i just gotta get outta this house and i'll get outta the continual cycle of depressive stuff.
hehe, just got an email with these bonde jokes:
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she studied for a blood test.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
well i thought they were funny, and no, i am not a blonde anymore, but im prolly still a bit stupid - well fine, lots stupid then...
well that's all i can be bothered to write for the mo...
so all yr 12s - good luck and God bless. dont get too stressed - you'll do just fine. ask for God's help and he'll be there. i dont really know what else to say to you guys, just good luck!..
well im gonna go to the beach th'sarvo and then i will'a won my bet - i bet myself that i couldn't go out everyday these hols, coz normally i'd sorta just sit round all day watchin tv and bludging. i figured i just gotta get outta this house and i'll get outta the continual cycle of depressive stuff.
hehe, just got an email with these bonde jokes:
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she studied for a blood test.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
well i thought they were funny, and no, i am not a blonde anymore, but im prolly still a bit stupid - well fine, lots stupid then...
well that's all i can be bothered to write for the mo...
Thursday, July 17, 2003
our hot water system's screwed... great - cold showers in winter are my favourite thing...
im tired as...
shopping wid karen is so exhausting...
and then paddy's 2moz...
and then off to blue mountains 2moz night for the weekend...
and then get back on sunday and go to belrose uniting for matt's band...
and then maybe i will write again...
nah, must fill monday...
then my bet is complete... (",)
ooooohhh, almost forgot - my nike's don't make security thingies beep anymore (embarrassment plus) - went to rebel, so's all good now...
shopping wid karen is so exhausting...
and then paddy's 2moz...
and then off to blue mountains 2moz night for the weekend...
and then get back on sunday and go to belrose uniting for matt's band...
and then maybe i will write again...
nah, must fill monday...
then my bet is complete... (",)
ooooohhh, almost forgot - my nike's don't make security thingies beep anymore (embarrassment plus) - went to rebel, so's all good now...
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
well hidee-ho
tom seems to think i aint that good at this bloggy thing, but im kinda proud of myself seein that i normally only use my internet 2 or 3 times a week. it's too much hassle when you dont have cable and your puter is annoying and i aint got the faintest how to make my blog cool. so neerrrrrr tom, just coz you can be bothered...
anyways, everythin worked out ok in the end today. yesterday jade, al and me train-track tripped (as supposed to road tripped) it to cronulla - you know what?? i don't think i'd ever been to cronulla before. i have lived a very sheltered life for so long - bring on reality
then went back to al's for din din and movies hehe. met adrian. he's nice. good for al. it's funny to hang out at a teacher's place in the hols (al and carl's mum is my chemistry teacher). she's so nice, but maybe i don't particularly love her as a teacher. maybe it's coz i dont like chemistry anymore. oh well, it's just interesting to hang out with her.
and so th'smornin i woke up at al's at 9:30 to my phone ringin in my ear, and nic tellin me to call work coz i forgot to tell them i couldn't be there today and i was supposedly meant to be there at 8:30am and i was completely stuffed. so i had to call work and i felt so bad. but i went in after the leader's meeting (10-12pm - talk about run from al's to church) and did the stressful order and got it out just on time. bummer... but i got the impression that maybe they didn't mind that much and were kinda surprised at how many times i said i was sorry. i really was sorry. maybe i was just more sorry to myself coz i always get lazy and let myself down and kick myself after. i dunno. do other ppl piss themselves off? and do other ppl get sick of hearin themselves speak? i can't hav a convo with anyone and not think - "why does my voice hav to be so annoying?" or "i need to shut up now - i aint makin sense"... no, just me eh? prolly just me that does it...
i got the new john mayer cd - any given thursday. it good. i like. i gonna nick off wid his songs. too bad about the copyrights. they'r mine now. too bad for liddle johnny...
oh yeh, church on sunday night was good. steve talked. i banded. tanya's really good-put me and her together and you get amy lee (evanescence chick). good stuff. nic says that chick's aren't allowed to lead worship - wot's wid dat? sexist! not that i really want to lead worship - i just think that's kinda slack. anyway, at our church there's more muso chicks than guys, so it'll be gay if all the guys leave to follow their callings and that... but i spose i know that God wouldn't let that happen anyway. i guess i just always been jealous of boys. i was chattin to nic and she said she always wanted to be a guy too! hehe. i spose if we had a brother it'd be diff. but hey, yay for tom-boys!
im hungry
smells like baked dinner...
ciao
tom seems to think i aint that good at this bloggy thing, but im kinda proud of myself seein that i normally only use my internet 2 or 3 times a week. it's too much hassle when you dont have cable and your puter is annoying and i aint got the faintest how to make my blog cool. so neerrrrrr tom, just coz you can be bothered...
anyways, everythin worked out ok in the end today. yesterday jade, al and me train-track tripped (as supposed to road tripped) it to cronulla - you know what?? i don't think i'd ever been to cronulla before. i have lived a very sheltered life for so long - bring on reality
then went back to al's for din din and movies hehe. met adrian. he's nice. good for al. it's funny to hang out at a teacher's place in the hols (al and carl's mum is my chemistry teacher). she's so nice, but maybe i don't particularly love her as a teacher. maybe it's coz i dont like chemistry anymore. oh well, it's just interesting to hang out with her.
and so th'smornin i woke up at al's at 9:30 to my phone ringin in my ear, and nic tellin me to call work coz i forgot to tell them i couldn't be there today and i was supposedly meant to be there at 8:30am and i was completely stuffed. so i had to call work and i felt so bad. but i went in after the leader's meeting (10-12pm - talk about run from al's to church) and did the stressful order and got it out just on time. bummer... but i got the impression that maybe they didn't mind that much and were kinda surprised at how many times i said i was sorry. i really was sorry. maybe i was just more sorry to myself coz i always get lazy and let myself down and kick myself after. i dunno. do other ppl piss themselves off? and do other ppl get sick of hearin themselves speak? i can't hav a convo with anyone and not think - "why does my voice hav to be so annoying?" or "i need to shut up now - i aint makin sense"... no, just me eh? prolly just me that does it...
i got the new john mayer cd - any given thursday. it good. i like. i gonna nick off wid his songs. too bad about the copyrights. they'r mine now. too bad for liddle johnny...
oh yeh, church on sunday night was good. steve talked. i banded. tanya's really good-put me and her together and you get amy lee (evanescence chick). good stuff. nic says that chick's aren't allowed to lead worship - wot's wid dat? sexist! not that i really want to lead worship - i just think that's kinda slack. anyway, at our church there's more muso chicks than guys, so it'll be gay if all the guys leave to follow their callings and that... but i spose i know that God wouldn't let that happen anyway. i guess i just always been jealous of boys. i was chattin to nic and she said she always wanted to be a guy too! hehe. i spose if we had a brother it'd be diff. but hey, yay for tom-boys!
im hungry
smells like baked dinner...
ciao
Saturday, July 12, 2003
i just hav 1 thing to say: bayview is a hole :(
well i got my baby. she's beautiful. her curves and lines are just so wonderful. this is a guitar that im talkin about. i dunno wot you were thinkin. i can't wait to show her off! so dam proud...
so tired - why oh why did i stay up all last night doin my maths assignment? it's holidays! i don't know what's wrong with me. at least iv got one less assignment to do now tho, which is more productive than anythin else i would have done eh.
how come i always seem to miss chances. seriously! and then i'll dwell for hours at work the next day on what could have happened if... don't it just suck
so tired - why oh why did i stay up all last night doin my maths assignment? it's holidays! i don't know what's wrong with me. at least iv got one less assignment to do now tho, which is more productive than anythin else i would have done eh.
how come i always seem to miss chances. seriously! and then i'll dwell for hours at work the next day on what could have happened if... don't it just suck
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
well yay, i spose i'm back again. i was thinkin that maybe i wouldn't bother with bloggin after i couldn't get back into my blog when i was at jade's, but now im home and my puter isn't bein too nasty. i finally got my L's on tuesday (3rd time lucky). i went with jade but she didn't get hers, but while we were there ben got his P's. wot a coincidink. but i haven't been out drivin yet. well i was spose to be out drivin now, but dad chucked a skitz and yelled at me bout not wanting nic to be liable when i crash the car. no faith...
anyoo, i got work today and yesterday and friday, so i should be able to afford my guitar. and hopefully mum can get renee to get me a deal at trumps. dad's contacts don't supply musical instruments, but at least they were good with m micro-system. i'm thinkin saturday's the day it's comin home with me.
im goin out with ben playin pool on thursday - yay!
and jindy's comin up and i'v been wearin janine's ski boots round the house gettin used to em. it's all so excitin. bev was sayin something bout gettin after-ski boots that are like full on water proof uggies with thick soles and all. i wish i suited beenies...
anyoo, i got work today and yesterday and friday, so i should be able to afford my guitar. and hopefully mum can get renee to get me a deal at trumps. dad's contacts don't supply musical instruments, but at least they were good with m micro-system. i'm thinkin saturday's the day it's comin home with me.
im goin out with ben playin pool on thursday - yay!
and jindy's comin up and i'v been wearin janine's ski boots round the house gettin used to em. it's all so excitin. bev was sayin something bout gettin after-ski boots that are like full on water proof uggies with thick soles and all. i wish i suited beenies...
Saturday, July 05, 2003
well hasn't today been interesting:
shopping for a guitar - i have now made my decision - brunswick BS-C. anyone ever heard of it i wonder. it's new anyway, so prolly not. anyways yeh, i cant really afford it but i'll work a bit these hols (todays the 1st day of winter hols FINALLY) so i should be able to get it soon.
i got this blog site ay - yay for tom's friend Bob! wot's with the name blog - it's like bog, but also like block, so is it a bog blockage? wouldn't that be painful.
that reminds me, today i have quit saying "random", so yeh, anyone hears me say it/write it, gimme a kick or somethin okies thanx.
well dad's takin mum out to dinner tonight - it's amazin i know, there's a first time for everythin - so i got the house to myself. good time for a sleep i say...
i think that's all
shopping for a guitar - i have now made my decision - brunswick BS-C. anyone ever heard of it i wonder. it's new anyway, so prolly not. anyways yeh, i cant really afford it but i'll work a bit these hols (todays the 1st day of winter hols FINALLY) so i should be able to get it soon.
i got this blog site ay - yay for tom's friend Bob! wot's with the name blog - it's like bog, but also like block, so is it a bog blockage? wouldn't that be painful.
that reminds me, today i have quit saying "random", so yeh, anyone hears me say it/write it, gimme a kick or somethin okies thanx.
well dad's takin mum out to dinner tonight - it's amazin i know, there's a first time for everythin - so i got the house to myself. good time for a sleep i say...
i think that's all
